I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize