is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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