you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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