bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
