His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i now understand why vodka
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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