so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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