I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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