I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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