apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
