Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize