I'm really into asian looking animals
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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