i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
