Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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