I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
