it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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