i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
