All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
