It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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