I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
