okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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