There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize