Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
