I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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