put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
