I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
