Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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