Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
