Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
