The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
