suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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