Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
