we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We were destined to go to rehab together
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We need to get me chipped asap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
