i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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