oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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