what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
