Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
