Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
