so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
