Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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