he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
