dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
