dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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