She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
