My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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