I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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