Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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