by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize