I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
