He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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