I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
