I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
