so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
