Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
