my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
