I wish I only lived at night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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