Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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