I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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