Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
