okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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