can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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