I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
