I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
