my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
