i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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