Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
