so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
